Suic Woops! Loopholes
by BlackCypress
Summary: A little something about FF8 that dosnt quite make sense. A joke of a fic and an amusing point. Shounen/Shojou AI hints.


Authors Note: Plot Bunnies are Evil. I plame the Fist and Ice Yahoo Group for giving me this idea. Its also set within the same idea of the Trigun Loophole's fic. Namely, every once in a while, the Loophole bunny bites me, and I have to write something. Today, its about Suicide fics.   
  
And if it doesnt make you laugh, I've failed.  
  
--  
  
Zell bent over his little desk within his SeeD single bedroom, his shoulders shaking slightly as he struggled to keep his writing straight and ledgible. The deep, burning pain and greif welled in his soul, burning their paths onto the pages in sorrowful ink. Despite even his best efforts, swollen tears dropped from his eyes and lashes, splattering onto the sheets and slighty warping the paper before soaking into the page and drying.  
  
The knife beside his left hand would do adiquatly. Nearly a foot long and a very well cared for edge. He'd been honing that edge for an entire week, every night he was alone, just sitting in his bedroom and meditating on the edge, until it could split a falling hair or the wings off a fly. Soon, it would bring his own end, qickly and final, as he could no longer take the hell of his prison.  
  
Folding the pages he'd written, a long goodbye to his friends as he felt it in his duty to explain to each person how much they had meant to him. How much he was in pain and why he'd chosen to end it all. The happy go lucky angel of a fighter could live no more under his mask.  
  
Standing slowly, he set the envelope on his counter, adressing it to them all, under the circular cast of light from his desk lamp. The knife was hitdden within its sheath, in turn vanishing into his denim coat. Wiping at his tears furiously and cooling his face with few splashes of cold water from the bathroom, and was shortly jogging out the door and down the halls with a blissful smile on his face, heading out with intent for a jog out twords Balamb and a bit of training on the monsters along the way.  
  
"Good luck, Zell!" Selphie called to him, seeing him pass by, waving at him as he left. "What a good guy, always training and keeping his skills up." Selphie said to herself after he'd left, clasping her hands to her chest and smiling brightly for a moment. Might as well give him a headstart. After about thirty seconds, she headed for Squall's dorm.  
  
--  
  
A good distance from the garden, Zell branched off the road and headed north, twords the island's mountianous range. Most people couldnt scale the slippry and dangerous sides, but he'd been learning and practicing on and off for well over a year now, since he had plenty of free time. ertian no one could follow him up the steep inclines, he began to climb for a shallow shelf he'd spotted before, passing by bird and other means.  
  
Settling down on the shelf about a half hour later, looking out over the island and the sea, he let out a soft sob and a sweet prayer as he removed his gloves and coat. "Hyne, Please forgive me."  
  
Removing the blade, tears rolling down his face as he had no tomorrow, his mask dropping to reveal his inner turmoil and pure agnoy in living. He held the bright blade close to his chest a moment, crouching and rocking on his heels. "My Salvation." He murmured. "Please, bring me to rest."  
  
With that, there was nothing left for him. H bit his lip as he sliced both his wrists open, and sat there a moment, reveling in the sting. It meant he had finally succeeded. He was going to die. Sitting down slowly as crimzon began to fall to the rock, staining the porus creation, soon followed by the clatter of the blade, covored in his life essance. Zell dropped like a rock and moved no mor, as he'd slit his own throat. His dying breath was filled with extreme pain. But, he wouldnt have it any other way. His world closed into blackness and he felt himself being lifted away. He was gone.  
  
--  
  
Four hours later, there wasa girlish yell and some commotion around the fallen corpse. Some discussion of wather or not to move him, bury him, or do it here. All of it muted and eventually cut off by Squall's voice. "We'll do it here. I'm getting sick of this."  
  
"At least he was more imaginitive this time." Selphie chirped, poking at Zell's open neck with some amusement, before standing and looking out ovr the island. "He had a really pretty view after all. It's a shame he's dead."  
  
"THAT part of him, yes, but we still need him, you know." Irvine remarked, finally hauling himself up onto the ledg with the others, or at least part way since it was getting crowded. "Careful where yous tand, Selph, dont get pushed off."  
  
"Well, I guess I'll just have to sit then, huh? Might as well blockade the way down." Selphie sat next to Irvine, and the two of them watched Squall and the corpse.  
  
Squall flicked his blade around, muttering about inconviniences and people waking him p in the middle of noon day naps. Aftr a moment however, he junctioned Carbuncle, which stored all his support magic and the likes. The soft hum of magic as the energies were calledforth and Squall took on a bit of a aura. Bright flashes and cashes of magic like falling stars swirled around Zell for several moments.  
  
Squall cast Full Life on Zell.  
  
The three of them waited a moment, until Zell picked himself up rather zombie like as the spell was still in control, staggered a step or two, then snapped to his sences.  
  
".... FUCK!"  
  
"No need to be vulgar, Zell." Selphie quipped cheerfully as her friend was now fine and dandy, in perfect helth and not even scarred, though blood was still on the rock.  
  
Squall put his blade back on the ready as he was nolonger casting with it and smirked at the compact little fighter, though his eyes emained dead and cold. "Are you ready to go back to the garden now?"  
  
"Damnit! Stop doing this!" The little blond cluthed his bare fists, suddenly grabbing the dull side of Squall's blade, and impaling himself onto the metal, pushing hard to get it through his heart. Blazing defiance in his eyes until he died for a second time that day.  
  
"Does he always do this?" Irvine mused, watching the display with some surprise.  
  
"Yup. Every time, though sometimes he gets more emotional and dramatic. Its almost cute." Selphie said, at some point plucking Irvine's hat from his head and setting it on her own, so she could pet his skull.  
  
Squall sighed a bit placing a booted foot against his chest and yanked as his foot pushed. Zell fell backwards and landed heavily dead on the shlf while Squall concentrated again. Once more, he cast Full Life on Zell.  
  
Once Zell was healthy and standing again, he put his hands to his hair, nearly pulling it out. "GGGYYYAAAHHH!" The blond ran around in a tight circle, being driven insane, before not even bothering with the safe incline, and hurling himself off the edge of the shelf, turning into quit the bloody mess far below.  
  
"Oi." Said Irvine cringing at the mess of Zell down on the ground. A touch of a sigh, casting Float on the three of them again, and the party slid safely dow the inline of the muntain without a problem, bump, scratch or bruise. "Well, at least he has a sense of style."  
  
"More like he's rather insane. Did yo read his letters the last seven times?" Selphie stood by Irvine off to the side as Squall picked his way through the rocks at the bottom and got to Zell's splattered corpse.  
  
"No. Most notes are generally self depreciating and pointless, considering the writer just up and dies." Irvine shrugged.   
  
"Well, it seems apparrent that with every passing quarter, Zell's been falling for Mister Ice Prince himself." Selphie watched Squall raise the blond up to perfect health again.  
  
"Ooh, that explains a bit. You know, he actually asked me about chocolats and flowers last month. I figured they were for the library girl. Told him where I shopped and such. Interesting concept though." He sighed and slipped Selphie five gil as she'd been right on how Zell would kill hiself for a fourth time, by casting Fira on himself.  
  
"Hmm. I wonder if Squall's ever going to realize it. He's been reviving Zell every time since this happened." Slipping the Gil into her pocket.  
  
"Bet ya he'll try drowning himself next."  
  
"No way, he's going to use a GF on himself. Even Squall never got as fast as Zell's summons."   
  
Squall ignored the prattle of his comrades, as he always did, frowning down at Zell's many-dead corpse. He was really getting tempted to leave the guy out here for good as this just wasnt profitable for anyone. Unfortunatly, he was still the best hand to hand fighter. He sighed and shook his head, concentrating on the spell once more.  
  
"AAAHH! For the love of Hyne, Stop it! Cant you let me die in pe-" The blond's words were cut off fof rthe first time as the gunblade clattered to the grassy rockside and Squall pulled the blnde into his arms. The completely unxpected and insistant kiss from Squall's lips to Zell's caused the blond to completely forget everything he was saying and doing. Pale eyes staring into darker ones.  
  
"Stop it." Was Squall's quiet and slightly gruff voice when he drew his lips away from his stunned victim.   
  
".... Okay." Zell replied, meek and confused, allowing himself to be lead off by the bladesmen, back twords the garden.  
  
"Is it just me, or is something distinctly wrong here?" Selphie stared after the two, as Squall had taken to carrying Zell in his arms. "I mean... Rinoa is going to have a fit."  
  
"Nah, not really. I saw her kissing Quistis in the halls yesterday." Irvine shrugged, securing his shotgun on his back.  
  
"WHAT?!" 


End file.
